Recalling the days in the academy, it feels like a lingering nightmare.
in the summer of graduating from the third year of high school, when the female voice on the phone coldly reported my college entrance examination results, I locked myself in my room for 24 hours. My score is far from that of Shenzhen University, which is my target, and I haven't even passed the line of an ordinary university in Jiangxi Province.
after a painful choice, I decided to go back to school for another year and reorganize and fight again, which was firmly opposed by my parents. They signed me up for a local private college in Nanchang, and after receiving the tuition fees, the school quickly replied that they could go to military training after the summer vacation.
I had a heated quarrel with my parents. To be exact, it was my mother and I who quarreled until after my father came in, I solemnly expressed to him my wish to repeat it, and then I got a reply from a him-a loud slap in the face.
I didn't compromise.
during that time, my grandmother came to live in my house, and my parents worried about my grandmother's presence, so it was difficult to hit me again, but they talked to me about junior college every day. I ignored them, locked myself in my room, and silently reviewed my previous lessons. This day lasted nearly thirty days.
one day, Grandma went shopping and I stayed at home alone to do exercises. The doorbell rang. I opened the door and saw my parents standing outside, followed by three men in police uniforms.
"Hello, I'm from the Qingshan Lake Public Security Bureau," the leading man introduced himself. "now there is an incident of hurting someone by throwing objects from a height, which requires you and your parents to cooperate with the investigation."
I looked at my parents and they nodded at me. The man wore a numbered police uniform and didn't look like a liar. I went downstairs with them and got into a black Buick.
in the car, I don't know how long I slept, and the people around me shook me up. After getting out of the car, and looking at the antique buildings in front of me and several people wearing Republic of China costumes, my mind was at a loss.
"where are my parents?" I vaguely feel that something is wrong. At this time, two people next to me quickly grabbed my arm, and the other locked my hands in handcuffs. During the struggle, my fingernail cut his arm.
"be honest!" He shouted, and then a few more men rushed over, tore me up, carried me to the darkroom on the second floor, and threw me to the ground.
I gasped on the stone brick. Just now a man in black (later found out to be a student) punched me several times in the abdomen. Now my stomach is cramping and my bones seem to be falling apart. Several women came over, searched most of my clothes and shoes, and finally took away my glasses.
it took me a few days to learn that this is a special training institution called "Yuzhang Academy of self-cultivation Education School", and it is also a new home arranged for me by my parents. They hope that after six months of "corrective treatment", I can get back to what they want to see, including returning to that college after a year of suspension.
I am the second girl in my family. Not long after I was born, my parents went to work far away and put me in foster care with my grandmother in the suburbs.
Grandma is not highly educated and is very kind to me. I have the impression that I always have more pocket money than children of the same age, and she can sing a lot of beautiful nursery rhymes and tell some strange ghost stories. I don't inquire about my parents as many left-behind children do, because I seldom see them. In my mind, they are just a vague shadow.
my parents didn't pick me up at home in Nanchang until I was six years old. I cried sadly, which made the adults laugh, and my father was embarrassed, so he grabbed me harder and stuffed me into the back car.
Life at home is not as good as I imagined. My father graduated from college and was very grumpy. When he was a child, he once confronted his elders at dinner. His grandfather hung him from a tree and beat him hard with the whip of driving sheep. This experience imperceptibly influenced his way of educating me, and once I did anything against his will in my life, I would be scolded and beaten by him. My mother doesn't have any independent opinions and tends to go along with her, which makes my situation more difficult.
when I was beaten in the past, I always told myself that I was young and that I would be fine when I grew up. However, even though I am an adult, I still can't control my destiny.
the room where I was held was so dark that there was only a faint glimmer of light in the gap of one exhaust window, which could not tell whether it was day or night. The walls on both sides are covered with mold because of dampness. On the floor near the wall is an old army quilt without a cover. Ants and cockroaches are sometimes seen on the ground. This quilt can only be half covered. On the other side is a bucket for convenience, but nothing else.
every day, someone brings in a little food through a bar-shaped trapdoor, dishes and rice are mixed in an iron bowl, and only chili peppers can be recognized. When I first went in, I ate all my food. As a result, I had diarrhea for a whole day. Later, I only dared to eat a little at a time, but I didn't dare to eat more.
in the last few days of my detention, I forced myself to talk to the students who delivered meals, to the instructors who visited occasionally, and even to myself to the wall-which made me temporarily abandon the idea of running away and dying.
by the time the instructor guarding me confirmed that I was "emotionally stable", I had been locked up in the "upset room" for seven days. On the day I was released from prison, I staggered into the yard, feeling my legs light, the white sun shining brightly, and my vision blurred.
after receiving a week of closed Morita therapy, other freshmen and I were enrolled in three classes, namely, a self-cultivation junior high school class, a psychological education class, and a junior college preparatory class. I entered a junior college class, which was almost full of adults who had reached the age of 18 like me.
there are in the academy there are a variety of regulations, such as drinking water only once a day, not going to the toilet at will, bowing and smiling when you see people, folding quilts with edges and corners, and not allowing wrinkles. There can be no dust on the iron bed, cement floor, and screw sockets. Student cadres and instructors will test them with hands and paper towels. If they don't want to be beaten, they have to wash them with toothbrushes and washbasins over and over again. In addition, there are fixed representatives to supervise brushing teeth and washing face, reciting ancient prose, standing posture, queue practice, and so on.
after 07:30 every night, the school will have a "Kaul". At the Kaul meeting, the delegates handed over the list of students who did not perform well that day to the headmaster, and the students on the list will face the punishment of being beaten by a ruler. According to the regulations, every representative must keep a list, which makes corporal punishment a common occurrence that everyone must get used to.
the most common punishment tool is a half-meter-long iron ruler, the number of punishments is a multiple of five, dodging and shouting will be punished, but if you do not cry, it will also be regarded as "shameless", thus aggravating the punishment. In the eyes of instructors and teachers, physical punishment can purify the soul.
when we first came here, we were beaten by the ruler almost every day. After being beaten, our hands would swell for a long time, and the next day when we were writing, we often felt so painful that we could not hold the pen. The situation didn't improve until I became an etiquette representative.
in the first three months of coming to school, physical training is given priority, and cultural classes take up very little time. As a newcomer, I became the focus of the instructors and teachers and soon learned the punishment methods the instructors.
it was my first day of physical training. It was stipulated that I should run a lap in the 300-meter playground. I must finish running when the instructor counts to ten. If I can't finish, I have to do ten push-ups, and then run again.
when I was about to finish the lap, my eyes were black and my legs were out of control.
"Why are you running so slow!" An instructor surnamed Peng roared, and then he announced that because of the involvement of some students, everyone had to stand in a row and look directly at the sun.
I held on for nearly ten seconds, closed my eyes slightly, and was kicked coldly in the bend of my leg by him. I was off guard and fell heavily. My clothes were covered with dust and my hands were skinned. When I was beaten at night, I almost jumped with pain.
my classmates also gave me the "care" I should have. When I first arrived, I bought a bottle of shower gel, and when I opened it the second time, I found that it had been replaced with a bottle of cold water. That day, I also received a penalty notice, which said that the reason for the punishment was that the quilts were not stacked neatly. When I returned to the dormitory, I knew that the quilt that had been folded had been replaced.
afterward, I thought of the sentences in the White Night Walk, the last thing I can't look directly at in the world: one is the sun, the other is the human heart.
part of the teaching materials for students in Yuzhang College
the canteen serves three meals a day, and breakfast is porridge cooked with overnight leftovers and moldy steamed bread. Eat green pepper, wax gourd, and pumpkin fried in lard at noon and evening, but the dishes are not fresh. The most difficult thing for non-local students to accept is the greasy and spicy Jiangxi food, and as a local aboriginal, it is also difficult for me to accept eating medium well's pumpkin with skin.
once several classmates and I were locked to help with the kitchen on the second floor, the instructors had a meeting on the first floor, it was early to leave the meal, and my stomach sent a signal of hunger through spastic pain. I held the table with my hand and managed to forget the feeling of dizziness.
when the meal was cooked, the students flocked to the kitchen. I fell behind and noticed that there were several pieces of yellowed tofu on the table, uncut, scattered in plastic bags. I didn't have time to think. I picked up a piece and stuffed it into my mouth and swallowed it before I had time to chew it. At that moment, I forgot that I was a girl, and I didn't hear the rapid footsteps behind me and the hoarse roar of the instructor.
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that afternoon, all the people who were caught were punished for kneeling in front of the statue of Confucius and exposed to the sun, and all were beaten in the evening. I was the first offender and got 20 demerit points. After the Kaul meeting in the evening, I stood in front of the instructor, bowed 90 degrees in full view of the public, stretched out my hand and stretched out my hand, and watched the bent iron ruler swing high and fall into the palm of my hand with the wind. Maybe it's because of my inner numbness. I can't feel the pain, but I still try to make myself cry as a sign of repentance.
when I said "Thanksgiving teacher's teachings", I smiled bitterly because I didn't know what to be grateful for and what the teacher had taught me through corporal punishment.
"Dragon whip" is a slender metal of about one meter, with no grain on the surface, very smooth, flashing a layer of FRP gun luster, lifting it heavily to press the hand. In Yuzhang, if you make a "serious mistake" such as fighting, having too close relationships between men and women, or contradicting your teachers, you are likely to taste the power of the dragon whip. Sometimes, instructors even assemble urgently in the middle of the night so that we can watch the execution of the dragon whip.
the first time I saw the power of the dragon whip was a 10-year-old boy from Wenzhou who was beaten more than ten days after entering school. He was punished for taking snacks that his parents had brought to him without the consent of the instructor.
when a boy is whipped, a girl has to turn her back. So in the flickering light, I only saw a few instructors pounce on the little boy on the cement floor, then took off his trousers, and then the dragon whip suddenly went down, with the sharp sound of "whipping". The little boy began to be patient, seven or eight whips down and began to cry for mercy. Several female classmates were scared to cry, and my heart shook and shook with his terrible howl, and it was difficult to calm down.
I met Ah Hua in culture class. At that time, he got good grades and sat in a seat by the window. I often write a note for help and give it to Hwa when everyone is sleepy. He will help me throw the note out of the window and press it under his tongue if he encounters an examination. Later, I sent him more and more notes, and I would ask him about it. Every time he handed when a note is given to me, it always looks stiff.
A Hua got a girlfriend when he was in his second year of high school, but his business father didn't like her so much that he forced them to break up. Father and son quarreled for a long time, and finally, Ah Hua refused to leave the girl. His father angrily sent him to Yuzhang College in the name of puppy love.
Hwa changed two months after we met. That day he looked gloomy and had been lying on his desk. In the evening, the instructor announced that he would be whipped because he had privately turned on the school's computer and logged on qq to contact the outside world.
when he was beaten, he was silent and was punished several times more. After this incident, he began to break the school rules frequently, and sometimes even raised his head and stared at the teacher coldly. This made him the one who received the most dragon whips among his classmates.
"what's the matter with you?" I couldn't restrain my curiosity and asked him again and again. He finally told me that he took the risk to sneak into the instructor's room that day to contact his girlfriend, but after contacting her, her girlfriend broke up with Ah Hua because she already had a new boyfriend.
Ah, Hua said that he was completely stunned sitting in front of the computer until the instructors burst open the door and rushed in to catch him. Before that, he had always wanted to be reunited with his girlfriend after graduating from college. After this, he had nothing to pursue anymore.
Xiaomi is the most popular in the dormitory. She is an old student here. She goes to the palace and gets along well with instructors and teachers. According to the special instructions of the head of the mountain, her father was furious at her "failure of transformation" for the first time and even asked for a refund. Xiaomei was not allowed to be elected as a student cadre such as a member of Parliament and had to receive the same corrective education as we did.
Xiaomei was still asleep when she was tied up here for the first time. At that time, she gave the upperclassman a heavy kick. It is said that the man bent down on the spot and failed to stand up for a long time. The second time, she calmed down a lot and walked directly into the small dark room in high heels. But on the day she went back to her dormitory, she hugged and cried with several girls she knew.
in Yuzhang, the punishment for reporting others can be reduced or reduced. At that time, most of the students from various regions lived together in groups, so it was common to report each other. One day, several instructors suddenly burst into our dormitory and the leader was holding a burned cigarette. "who smoked this?" He looked around at each of us. Seeing that no one answered, he immediately announced that he would take us all to the playground for physical training until someone admitted it.
We know we were framed, but we really can't prove that we didn't smoke. After doing hundreds of frog jumps, everyone was tired and collapsed on the ground.
the instructor looked down at us contemptuously and repeated what he had just said. Xiaomei suddenly raised her hand slowly. "I admit I smoked the cigarette," she said faintly. "none of them took part in it."
Xiaomei was beaten twenty times that day. I counted her and dared not look at her expression. Her fingers scratched the ground tightly and her knuckles were blue.
after the fight, we helped Xiaomei to one side on the stone steps. Her clothes were drenched with sweat, her body trembled, her forehead hair was wet with tears, and a few locks were oblique to her cheek. We simply helped her tidy up her clothes, and the instructor was shouting and drinking again because the whole dormitory had to train for an hour. After all, we were shielding students who had made mistakes. When I was doing the frog jump, I glanced at Xiaomei quietly. She always crept motionless on the stone, like a stiff corpse.
"Someone has to come forward and admit it, otherwise the drillmaster will not let us go, and procrastination will only lead to everyone being beaten," Xiaomei said after the event. "they were so busy that they didn't have time to search carefully. I didn't even find the layers of towels I put on my body."
she smiled proudly, but ,she was so badly hurt that the skin below her waist was swollen in a large area, with whip marks crisscrossed with the black and purple color of autumn grapes, and the clots formed in the congestion, which looked shocking.
I remembered that when I came home to visit, I had brought a bottle of safflower ointment to promote blood circulation and remove blood stasis, so I went through my bag, but I found nothing after looking for it for a long time. I don't know if the safflower ointment was taken by the instructor or the seniors, leaving me only some clothes that I am not allowed to wear, as well as a copybook specially ordered by my father, which is printed with chapters from the Book of Rites.
I suddenly burst into tears, soaking up the books in my hand.
four months later, with the help of my grandmother, uncle and others, I finally got the right to "bail" from Yuzhang College on the grounds of asking for leave. Holding the request for leave for 500 yuan (Yuzhang College stipulates that students need to pay a deposit of 500 yuan to ask for leave), I burst into tears. Grandma looked at me distressed and said, Manman, you've lost weight. I cried and said to her, Grandma, I want to go home.
I didn't keep my promise to go to that college, and my parents didn't contact me. After four months of suffering at Yuzhang Academy, we are even with each other, so there is no need to maintain a superficial relationship. But I am often afraid that they will send me there again, and I don't trust anyone around me anymore.
I have frequent insomnia, anxiety, and hair loss. Most of the time, I fell asleep in a daze, woke up quickly from the nightmare, and then had to cover my head with a quilt. When there is wind outside the door, I still subconsciously sit up and touch the fruit knife hidden under the pillow. Sometimes, I feel as if I have been caught in Uchiha Itachi's moon reading illusion, and the year-long torture in the spiritual world has only passed for a second in the real world.
with the encouragement of my grandmother, I quickly found a job as a waiter in a hot pot restaurant, working more than 12 hours a day. Only in a high-intensity environment, I can temporarily forget the pain.
A year later, I heard that Xiaomei and Ah Hua also went out one after another. Xiao Mei got married soon, and Ah Hua was sent to join the army by her father. I sent him a letter. Interest, but rarely received a reply. His qq has never been updated, keeping the news posted when he first entered Yuzhang College: "you are right, a good man is a liar because a man always knocks out his teeth and swallows, and then looks back and smirks at you and says it doesn't hurt at all."
my studies and happiness ended in the summer after the college entrance examination, while Ah Hua's memory stayed in 2013.