Being loved by your family can be used as armor for a lifetime.

there is a sentence in Ode to Joy: "one's family is her destiny."

this kind of fate is unfortunate and a drag for some people, while for others it is lucky and armor for a lifetime.

Yuan Quan is the lucky one, and she has become popular again these days because she told readers about her experience of leaving home to study opera in Beijing at the age of 11.

in the fourth grade of primary school, several teachers came to the school to select actors, saying that they were affiliated to the Chinese Opera Academy and wanted to provide a group of students for the Hubei Peking Opera Troupe. Yuan Quan was selected at that time.

as a result, under the age of 11, she is going to leave her hometown of Jingzhou in Hubei Province and go to Beijing to study.

Dong Qing asked her, "you were not even 11 years old at that time. Who was in charge of the family at last to decide this matter?"

Yuan Quan replied, "myself!" This surprised Dong Qing.

Mother just said to her, "you have passed the exam, you have to think clearly, do you really want to learn Beijing Opera?"

Xiao Yuan Quan replied without hesitation: "Yes, I really want to go."

so, it is not her parents' arrangement, but her 11-year-old age, that determines the future.

01

after her mother sent her to Beijing, she returned to Hubei a week later. The head teacher said to her, "just now your mother stood at the door of your classroom for a while. She was very reluctant to give up, but she still smiled and said to me, please give it to you."

Yuan Quan did not cry after hearing these words, but when she returned to the dormitory and saw the two new pairs of nylon stockings bought by her mother, she suddenly felt that she was really going to start, and she had to face everything.

in the past seven years, she has written more than 290 letters with her parents, which are full of love and growth, and more importantly, the encouragement and understanding Xiao Yuan Quan received in these letters and fought side by side with her parents.

the road is walking by yourself, but never alone in spirit.

in the program, two letters from Xiao Yuan Quan and his parents were selected. Dong Qing and the audience could not help but burst into tears when they read them.

"depressed and depressed all day." The teacher said that I didn't work hard enough. I felt very uncomfortable when I heard that, because I felt that I had exerted my greatest strength. In any case, I still have to work harder to tell you that my leg is only as far away from my head as two vertical fingers, and I will try to paste it on November 20. "

parents replied:

"Quan Quan, parents understand you and love you!" We will never ask you to work hard when you try your best and still fail to achieve your goal for the time being. Quan Quan, remember, don't be discouraged in the face of setbacks, keep a good mood and cheer up. "

Liao Yimei wrote in "softness": in our life, when we meet love, sex is not rare, what is rare is to meet and understand.

being loved by their parents is not rare. What is rare is that they can love in a way of understanding, respect, care and even letting go.

02

once I heard a girl talk about her breakup.

I fell in love for three years, bought a house with my boyfriend and planned to get married.

when she called her parents with despair and hopelessness to inform her of the news, her father did not show surprise, no inquiry, no reprimand, or even comfort, but calmly said, "then go home."

she asked, "what about the house and things?"

my father said categorically, "No, I'm glad you come back."

A father who can say such a thing is wei and da.

some people may think that such parents must be very rich if they dare to take a house or not. in fact, they are just ordinary working families, not that they do not care about money, but in their eyes, the most important thing is to minimize the harm to their daughter and let her go home safely.

they are unwilling to force their daughter to fight for her possessions when her spirit is at its lowest and her mood is at its worst.

that relationship was not favored by family and friends from the beginning, but her parents never interfered and just asked her, "do you really love this person?"

"if you really want to be together, then your parents will support you no matter what, but you have to remember that when you are aggrieved or break up, you will still have your parents. No matter what you encounter, don't be afraid."

this is probably the best love that parents can give to their children, not to interfere with you, bind you, or arrange your life with love, but to respect you, support you, and be more prepared no matter what decisions you make. Always accept you unconditionally when you run, get hurt, and fall.

she later said that precisely because of this relationship, the division was decisive and clean, not because of property rivalry, without any muddling, so she could complete psychological reconstruction and regain self-confidence in just two months, and then start a new life from scratch.

now, she is a member of our studio.

in the adult world, there is no word "easy", but it is not easy to get lost if you are loved by your family. it will let you know how to choose at the fork in life, and let you have the courage to ignore, pursue, and bear no grudges, as well as the courage to accept setbacks and climb upward on setbacks.

03   And children who grow up in a not-so-good family atmosphere will spend if they don't know what's good.There is a lot of strength to kick away the bad ones, and it will take many years to know which way is right. "

those who have seen love know more about how to accumulate love and warmth for themselves in this cold and thin world. They dare to give and take, and dare to accept and leave.

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people who have not been well loved always seem to live very much, inadvertently push away love, clearly want but do not dare to fight for it, strong and independent on the surface do not care, in fact, the heart has already been a mess.

Erich Fromm says that true love should have four elements at the same time: love, responsibility, respect and understanding.

if you really love a person, you should take the initiative to care about his life and growth, and be responsible for the one you love just like yourself, but responsibility does not mean control, and you must also know that the other person is an independent individual, so you should respect the uniqueness of Ta and give each other the freedom to choose your life according to your own will.

on this basis, we should also strive to understand, understand his vision and attitude towards the world, and understand the things and needs he cares about.

Love is not material giving, it should be that one is willing to give the most valuable part of one's life to each other, such as one's happiness, interest, empathy, knowledge, humor and sadness.

04

in this world, there is no shortage of being loved, but there is a lack of being able to love and know how to love.

there are a lot of people around me who are obviously loved but grew up in a not so good family atmosphere.

some have always been under the high-pressure control of their parents, who arrange their children's lives according to their own wishes, depriving them of the right to make decisions for their own lives, such as what major to study in college, when to fall in love, who to marry, and what career they want to interfere with, and even make their children feel that as long as there is the slightest resistance, it is unfilial.

there are also people who grow up in violent love. Parents beat and scold their children in the name of love and tell them, "I'm doing this for your own good."

some netizens said: if it is deeply loved by the family, it is armor for a lifetime, then the opposite of it, that is, it has not been loved by the family, will become the weakness of a lifetime.

it is true that a person's factory setting is very important, but I would also like to say that even if the factory setting is not good, do not blame all the experiences of life on the original family.

the reflection on the original family is to make people love better and create a happier life on the original basis, not just to dig out the root of the problem and find the responsible party.

No matter what bad cards fate gives you, try to play Wang Fei. Because people should have the strength to grab their hair and pull themselves out of the mud.

maybe you need to pay a lot, but growth is actually a self-repair, with acquired efforts to make up for congenital deficiencies, if born without money, self-confidence, have not been loved, then these are the reasons for acquired efforts.