Love is not as easy and perfect as it looks in the picture, and there has never been an effortless couple in reality.
this is the first time I have written about my love affair with Pai Daxing. It's not the kind of sweet article about how we met and how much he surprised me. We have seen too much on the Internet. I prefer to share the hard part of my relationship with you. Love is not as easy and perfect as it looks in the picture, and there is no effortless couple in reality.
-"I don't deserve to be loved"-
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when we first met each other, he hadn't come out of his last emotional hurt and guilt, and he was occasionally depressed and impatient, less confident and sleepless at four o'clock in the morning. He confessed everything to me and made me think about whether I wanted him or not.
when I was a child, my father always pointed at me and said, "this kid is a good kid, and you can't stop just because you're slow."
Pai Daxing is a good man, too. You can't quit just because you made some mistakes before. Pick it up and pat the ash and keep using it.
I was so carried away by the sudden love that I had no idea how hard it was to go on this journey.
at that time, even after working for 12 hours, he could still play basketball for two hours after work in the evening. What I would like to ask myself most on weekends is: what are we going to do today?! Although I enjoyed the feeling of staying motivated all the time, I vaguely felt that under the energetic, he was afraid to calm down and recall the past.
one afternoon, we were lying in bed together, side by side, and he and I talked deeply about this for the first time:
"she and I may only be friends. As lovers, we made each other worse people (we bring out the worst in each other)." We can fight over the smallest things, after all those ugly fights. I don't understand why we're together. They are also unwilling to give way to each other in their careers and have been living in different places. In front of my work, family, and friends, everyone knows that I am a kind-hearted person. But in her eyes, I am a hypocritical, selfish, and ruthless person. …… After the last straw that overwhelmed the camel, we parted. The final breakup was my firm choice. Although love has long disappeared, I will always remember her well-being in my heart. "
before breaking up, his ex told him: we have been together all these years, you have given me nothing (spiritual support, family, stability, etc.). Why are we together? You wasted my youth and left me alone.
he decided to break up. He also planted the last straw. In addition, the ex blamed him for all the emotional discord and told him that you were a terrible person. You ruined me.
this sense of guilt is quite great for perceptual pie stars.
so he suddenly wakes up in the middle of the night, with insomnia, pain, blaming himself for his mistakes, blaming himself for not being a better person, and regretting why they didn't break up earlier and didn't delay each other for so long.
he looked at me with tearful eyes and told me: I don't deserve to be loved.
at that time, he was like a dejected lion who had done something wrong, occasionally showing his scars inadvertently, but hastened to give up his last failed relationship with enough reasons.
-"I don't want to hear anything about your ex"
Today, a year later, I recall what he said at that time, and his inadvertent reaction, I can feel his sadness.
A year ago, I thought:
I have an ex who has been together for a long time, scarred and full of guilt! I can't believe I met such a terrible man. Why are you telling me this? Do I have to hear it? How come this boy has no heart at all? If you want to get along with a girl, you should not reveal anything about your ex!
I'm not a virgin.
after listening to the heartfelt words of Pai Daxing, all my inner plays and thoughts revolve around myself. Even after such heartfelt communication. I still think only of myself. You can't blame me, if someone, especially a woman, tells you that ta don't care about your former lover at all and has no jealousy at all. She just plays it cool.
that's great. I slowly outlined his life in his few words!
and like all female nerves, I am very sick to turn his FB to the last page. I accidentally saw a picture of him and his ex!
Perfect, this is exactly what I needed to stay positive! Now I not only have the picture in my mind but also have human facial features!
then I became nervous, anxious, and paranoid.
after a few months, even though I knew it was impossible for both of them, even though I saw love in his eyes, my heart was getting smaller and smaller. Until one day, I told him,
I don't want to hear anything about your ex.
-your strengths and weaknesses-
maybe I won't let him mention it. These things fade over time. This is true, memories can indeed be watered down. But the shadow left in the heart by the previous scars and the changes in the subconscious will be ignored by us. Is this what I want?
in this way, I entered a cooling-off period.
I called: "Dad, Pai Daxing doesn't seem to be able to let go of his previous feelings." Dad said, "there's nothing you can't put down. You must put it down when it's time to move on." Let him swallow it. "
hearing what my father said, I suddenly understood. people deal with pain in their hearts in different ways.
my father can say it so easily because he is a very direct, unbiased, and experienced person. This character also makes him very realistic in middle age, unromantic, not gentle, and speaking without considering the feelings of others.
but Pai Daxing is a boyfriend who arranges roses on the restaurant table for an appointment in advance, sings Leslie Cheung's midnight song to me at night, worries that I can't sleep well, and secretly upgrade me. In his career, he tried to do his best, and the medical school read it with a full award, never letting his family spend too much money.
This is who he is. This is who I fell in love with.
if he can walk into a new life happily without thinking about each other's feelings; if he can not be strict with himself by perfectionism and can not feel guilty and repeatedly torture himself with two people's mistakes, then he is not a big star.
the characteristics of my falling in love with him are also the reasons for his previous emotional pain.
what I want to say is that all the advantages of people's personalities are accompanied by corresponding weaknesses. If we only enjoy this person's strengths but do not accept his weaknesses. If it's a little unfair to him.
when I told him that I didn't want to hear anything about his ex, I ignored the scars of past love, the shadows in his heart, and the change in his subconscious personality.
I turned a blind eye to his scar and thought he would get better by himself. I ignored cancer in his subconscious and blamed him for doing something strange. Is this what I want?
I am not a virgin, and I will not tolerate a person with personality defects caused by previous blows for a long time.
I think I should help him out for us.
-"you've given me all of you"
psychologist Jung's subconscious theory holds that your subconscious guides your life, and you call it destiny. (of course, I saw it on an official account)
when I watched Pai blame himself and suffer, I shared with him what I did wrong when I was young and ignorant. I want to tell him that it's all right. You know you made a mistake, you learned your lesson, just don't do it again.
then I found out that I picked up a stone and hit myself in the foot.
Pai Daxing is a person who is very strict about moral things. And I, as an ordinary person, have naturally done a lot of wrong things along the way.
he scolded me several times for the secrets I told him.
because I love him very much, I explained to him again and again: I am young and ignorant, I have no concept of right or wrong, and so on. But I was fermenting a very angry feeling in my heart: first of all, I told you carelessly. Secondly, who are you to blame for my past?
if I were the old me, I would fall out and scold people and pack up my things.
but this time, I calmed down and thought about why the daily indulgence of my doting pie star is so unforgiving on some issues.
this is the unforgiveness of the subconscious Pai star for his previous mistakes.
We lay in bed shoulder to shoulder and had a slow conversation. This is our favorite way of heart-to-heart talk. the more difficult it is to say, the more you have to hold hands and say. Intimacy can ease the anger in your heart. When you think of the person next to you, you can't help but be more considerate. And looking at the ceiling, the head is empty, it is easier to say the deepest words.
but this time, because I was so aggrieved, I cried at the beginning.
while wiping away my tears, I said: the world of two people should be mutual help, acceptance, and tolerance. You said you are my rock. But why do I find myself defending my mistakes again and again in front of you? Although I have done something wrong, I have learned a lesson through my mistakes, and I have become a better person. I\ & # 39 * * m tired of defending myself. Others can judge me, but not you.
he listened to me and buried his head in the pillow, which soaked a small piece. It seems that I suddenly found myself inexplicably harsh.
he said: You are right... Who am I to judge? I\ & # 39th m not worth to love... You deserve better than this.
I said: We have been together for so long, you have given me your energy, your patience, your thoughtfulness, you have given me everything you have. Tolerance is something you don't have. You can't give me what you don't have.
you are too hard on your previous mistakes. Yes, I do deserve better than this. If you want to give me something better, you have to give it to yourself. So... You need to let it go
I said: I know you, is a kind and gentle good man. I know you will never hurt me. I trust you with all my heart. I have made mistakes before, but I believe in myself, and I will not make the same mistake again. Can you trust yourself?
it is not difficult to see that the emotional blow has also weakened his self-confidence, morale, and courage. But the good news is that we find the source in time and don't let the inexplicable subconscious change the course of life.
it's hard, it's really hard. it is so difficult that we would rather carry shadows and baggage than recall the past.
but sometimes you can tear open the wound and scrape off the poison in it before you can expect to be cured one day.
-"if only love is enough?" -
Love cannot be an excuse to bind and hurt each other. Love alone is not enough.
"We only quarrel together", "every time we meet in a different place for five years is a quarrel". In the end, I don't know why we are quarreling.
it sounds a lot like my last relationship and the state of some of my friends. When they are together, their EQ is extremely low and they will not communicate. So there are more and more scars so that they can't be undone. But how many times, do we make a face ferocious, but because the other party said I love you, you think you still love each other and continue to be together.
when I quarreled with my ex, I was grumpy, selfish, and mean. our love only makes each other worse people.
with Pai Daxing, I understand that when two people think about each other, they can have something to say. I understand that there is a kind of deep love that I can refrain from saying cruel words that I will regret.
Love shouldn\ & # 39 × t hurt so much.
I believe we have all loved and given hard in our past love, but no one should hurt another person in the name of love. Whether in words, in deeds, or the heart.
-"you deserve to be loved"-
if anyone can help him come out slowly in a good state of mind, it should be his current girlfriend, that is, me. If I want a healthy relationship, how to turn the situation around is also up to me.
I didn't rush him, nor am I in a hurry. Listen to his story and give him advice. Let him get to know himself. It's just that every time I praise him, I add: you are worthy of being loved.
his initial denial, then he began to respond with a smile, and then he would nod and laugh.
half a year later, I felt that his mood and state of mind were much more relaxed, delicate, and full.
for a year, I feel like we've healed each other. They are all back to their previous optimistic and happy appearance. He is a happy, heartless, kind boy.
every day he still wakes up early, but when he wakes up, he hugs me in my ear and says: I love you...I miss you...I need you... You are so sweet...you mean so much to me...
how long did it take him to get out of the last emotional injury? I don't know, maybe a year, maybe many years. But the important thing is that he has found the source of the problem and is working hard.
-"Stop caring about her."-
I told him that I only allow you to love me and miss me, even in the name of a friend.
I don't remember the day when the shadow of his old love faded away.
one day, when I was folding clothes, he made fun of my habit of folding my underwear into tofu blocks.
me: "have you ever lived with someone in a messy wardrobe?" It's very painful! "
he stood at the door and looked at me and said, "I've only lived with you." :)
I like that~
he is a wonderful man to me! He eats the food I cook every day but pretends to eat it for the first time. I can't believe I'm so good at it. He will learn to dance with me, always surprise me and take me to all kinds of romantic places for dates. He teaches me to ride a bike and play basketball and likes to take pictures of me.
I'm glad I didn't give up on him in the first place. As long as the person is good, Pat Tu can continue to use it!
No one is perfect, how can we control the impact of past injuries on ourselves?
I guess you heal and move on.