The last poor time of my life

as the saying goes, "Don't bully a teenager into poverty". However, when I first fell into poverty in my life, I was already 27 years old, and I was not a teenager.

and at that time, I had a boyfriend who was poorer than I was.

before we became so poor, we were all ordinary white-collar workers. He works for a construction bag company. I work as a passenger bridge at the airport. My daily job is to connect the covered bridge to the hatch after the plane has stopped.

in other words, we are all ordinary young people in this city. Neither rich, nor particularly poor; not happy, but not depressed; work is neither particularly active, but by no means perfunctory-in a word, we are nothing special, but they all honestly play their roles in social life.?. If we don't have a boyfriend (call him A), for the time being), many people who want to do some small projects in the city will not be able to find a place to stay; if one day I suddenly go on strike, some flights may delay the departure of passengers, which may cause a little uproar, but soon, people like us will fill our place, and the world will never be fundamentally different because of our absence.

when we started to fall in love, both of us lost our jobs. I think it is more accurate to say that we lost our jobs, not that our jobs lost us. Generally speaking, it is rational for anyone who is in our position to find a partner who has a job and use his or her income to support him or her until he or she finds the next job-but the situation at the time is that something went wrong.

Are you craving for your perfect fit of short white wedding dresses to add to your wardrobe? You'll be surprised by the confidence you'll have!

I don't know what went wrong! We are drawn together by the invisible hand of fate.

if I am asked to choose an adjective for that period to live together, there is no doubt that there is only one most appropriate word: poverty.

to put it more figuratively, we are too poor to afford condoms.

of course, this is not always the case. Although we don't have a job, we still have some income in theory. I don't quite understand what he did. I design posters for an advertising company myself. One of my college classmates joined this advertising agency. When he heard that I had lost my job, he sent me some design work. I said, "but I don't know how to use design software." he briskly waved his hand: "well, other people don't necessarily do it anyway. What do you think?"

what do I think? During that time, I am afraid that the most I have lost are this ability to "feel". Not only can not feel the way other people live but also gradually lose their sense of reality to the people who live around them. When work is not going well, I always want to fall in love. I always feel that if I fall in love, everything else will change for the better. Under the domination of this kind of psychology, I have dated many times and been in a lot of love-this kind of behavior didn't stop until An and I got to know each other.

how did An end up like me? I didn't ask him. But we were all jingling poor at that time, that's for sure. There are many kinds of poverty in the world, and what is assigned to us is a kind of blank and innocent poverty. Looking at our past lives, we didn't do anything wrong. We received the right education on time, the certificate of the examination declined, and there was even a surplus. We got a job when it was time to work. Our attitude towards work is no different from that of other ordinary people. We flatter our leaders moderately, never refuse to work overtime, and have all been rated as advanced at the end of the year.

how did this happen?

the day I met A, I just lost my job. Moved out of the dormitory provided by the airport: moved to the city center. After living in the suburbs for four years, I decided that I had to live in the city center. At that time, I thought I could find a job soon. In retrospect, the blind optimism about life at that time was one of the root causes of poverty.

but the weather was fine that day, there were few people on the bus, and there was a green light all the way. I sat comfortably in my seat, looked at the street view, and happily accepted the relationship with An arranged by fate.

We took a long walk together that day. We stopped on a newly-built bridge. The weather is so beautiful that it even feels like it's the best weather we've ever had. Dry, cool, the sun is pure gold, the air is extremely transparent, standing on the bridge, you can see the distance you can't see. No, it's more than that. That day, when we stood at the top of the bridge hand in hand and looked intently into the distance, I seemed to see a new life, which was many times brighter than the life we had in the past. I'm sure he felt all this, too, because he grabbed my finger a little hard, turned his head, and stared at me eagerly with a look full of longing and almost tears in his eyes, which I had only seen in my life. I can only see that kind of eyes twice in my life, but how could I know so much at that time!

now-after parting from him now, I can still remember what I saw at that time: the straight and clean street, the tall trees by the roadside rustled with green leaves in the breeze, and there were no more or fewer cars in the driveway. drive-by at a uniform speed and quietly; The cyclists in helmets passed on the bike lane, and the people walking on the sidewalk were all brightly dressed and jubilant, and everything they could see was lofty and bright. But on second thought, it was as if we were watching a frozen movie, realizing that it would all go away, so we watched greedily and wanted to throw ourselves into it-but we were not part of the scenery after all.

it's not easy to be poor. By contrast, it doesn't matter whether you are happy or not. I moved from my single room in the city center to his residence, almost to the north of the city. This decision cost me a month's deposit and half a month's rent, plus a moving fee, which seemed to have to be lost at the time. And it doesn't seem to matter. And then, it doesn't matter. The key came one after another. First, an interview that is bound to be successful has failed, and a sum of money insight has been lost, but the cost of one item cannot be saved. Finally, one day, we even have to pay the electricity and gas bills in advance compared to the minimum amount, by this time, poverty has been slowly submerged from our heels to the top of our heads.

"what should I do?"

"I don't know."

"you have to make money."

"Yes."

despite that, money is getting harder and harder to make. When I worked so hard to make the design draft, the students said, "very good", but there was no reply. I want to apply for a job in a cafe or fast food restaurant, but I don't have such a job near where I live. I found one by car for two hours but didn't get up the next day. Of course not getting up is just an excuse, the truth is: I don't want to do this job.

similarly, other jobs you don't want to do are flyers, real estate agents, couriers, and supermarket tallymen.

Let's put it this way, although our previous jobs are not necessarily more complex (or even simpler) than these jobs, we can't overcome the fear of "becoming manual laborers." Why don't you just say it! Although our situation at that time was less than 0.01 mm away from the bottom of society, if we did such a job, there would be no doubt that we sat down to the bottom.

"what are you going to do?"

"I don't know. Wow."

speaking, the idle days were supposed to be the best time to enjoy sex, but at that time, we were in the doldrums and we were not even in the mood for sex. Of course, we were not aware of it at that time. At that time, all that was left was the free and effortless entertainment of chatting, so we almost talked about each other's lives-even I knew the last time he had to pee in the classroom.

"have you ever been in love in college?"

"No, it's not as fun to be in love as playing games."

"than you."

"masturbate." After that, he added, "all boys are like this." Most of them. "

hey.

"When you were in college."

"No. I did. I didn't sleep. "

"Have you ever slept with an old man?"

". I slept. "

"How old?"

"I was forty years old at that time."

he made a look like he was going to throw up. "is it your boss?"

"No. How could I do such a disgusting thing? "

it is, and the other party is my leader. But for some reason, I didn't want to talk to him about it.

I got sleepy and went to sleep without saying hello. I would be annoyed if A fell asleep first, but most of the time-- I mean, most of the time, I fell asleep first.

it should be autumn when I get to know A, and I can't remember clearly in early autumn or late autumn.

Winter is tough. Although A's residence is shabby, the heating is amazing. We have a temperature hygrometer (left by a former tenant), which often shows that the temperature in the room is already 31 degrees, and we always open windows to cool the house when the air is good. But haze days accounted for 78.2% of the weather that winter. This figure was officially published in an authoritative newspaper, but I still can't figure out how the number after the decimal point is calculated.

then again, that winter. The savings were used up around the Spring Festival. Chinese New year, jobs began to lose, we send out a lot of resumes every day, but also gradually received some replies. We even dared to apply for some "supervisor" positions, even though we didn't meet the requirements in any way.

Finance Director, Operations Director, Product Manager.

No matter what kind of job, you have to find a job first.

at the same time, we began to sell our idle items online. All the things are marked on the Internet, most of them are useless, but in the end, they are all things that they like. I sold a wool coat, a cashmere scarf, and several silk skirts. He sold a pair of Rayburn sunglasses and a pair of high-end badminton rackets. Because we are afraid that things will not be sold, we set all the goods as "free delivery". A man in Xinjiang bought a pair of my boots and I paid 80 yuan for the postage. That's my better pair of boots. I didn't sell them. When I was going out for a walk, I suddenly found that the soles of my shoes were cracked in the middle.

to put it vividly: completely broken in two. Like an irreparable marriage.

"can I still fix it?"

"No."

"how do I get back?". I'll carry you. "

"No."

maybe there was a rift in their relationship at that moment. Maybe the rift has existed for a long time, but it can be avoided again and again before, but at that moment we can only face it. I didn't let him carry me and limped back. I'll go back to sleep when I get back. In a daze, he didn't bother to ask me to get up for dinner, but before I fell asleep, I remembered that it was my turn to cook dinner that day. It was like a dream after

. He asked me how the interview went. I said I hadn't received the interview notice yet, he said. He had received the interview notice two years later. "when you get a job, I'll buy you new boots." This sentence didn't move me at all. I didn't take it to heart at all. During this period, we have made a lot of promises to ourselves. When I get the money, I'll go skiing. Sign up for a design class when you sell this thing. I'll have a good meal when I get a job. It is as if such a wish can bring good luck to life, but none of the wishes have been realized, and this hope for good luck will only make the mood more uneasy... Amid this unease, something more important has passed. This may not matter, because life, in short, is the passage of time, isn't it? But at that time, this unknown passage made us more anxious day by day. I have a fever, maybe it's because my broken boots stepped on the snow on the way home, or it could be something else. This time, he didn't persuade me to see a doctor. At the beginning of unemployment, we insisted on finding our own company to hand in health insurance and social security, but just this month, we couldn't afford it and the insurance premium was cut off. There is ready-made cold medicine at home, but I refuse to take it. Finally, I accused him of charging too much for his headphones, handles, and binoculars to keep people from buying them. And these things are different from boots, they are not needed in life at all.

when I woke up, he said to me, "Spring is coming."

at first, I thought he was joking with me, or being sarcastic. But suddenly I realized he was telling the truth. Spring is coming. I got out of bed carefully but found that there was no need for such caution: although the illness was so fierce that it was difficult to fall asleep, it was so good that my body's skills returned to their original position with a "ding". I stood in front of the half-open window. I can't feel the cold at all: it's spring outside.

this is how spring comes. When I was asleep, the strong wind blew away the haze, and then there was a violent heating up. Turning on the computer, the portal popped up with ecstasy news about the early arrival of spring, which reminded me that our last whole sum of money was to renew the Internet access fee. Peach blossoms bloom ahead of time, and the scenic spots are crowded with people. Natural people have pictures of all kinds of plants on their home page PO. I was left behind in the cold winter.

how to move on in this season? I opened my mailbox and checked a lot of ad emails to see if there was any interview news. But suddenly, I realized that it was pointless: there might only be one second in my life when I was sane, and I was well aware that at this moment, at this very moment, one of the most precious things in life had been acquired by me, and then I could have absolutely nothing to ask for. But the Qingming Festival was only a blink of an eye, and there was no good news, so I turned off my mailbox. At this time A said to me, "go out and have something good to eat."

OK, but what about the money?

"I have money." A said.

I didn't ask him where the money came from or what he ate. I got dressed and went out with him. We are used to not taking a taxi to go anywhere, but I am more and more confused about where he is going. After walking for about half an hour, it got dark. He asked, "are you cold?" I shook my head.

"wrong direction." That's what he said all of a sudden. Then he pointed to the front.

ahead is a very large overpass.

"in the wrong direction, we are going in the wrong direction." He affirmed, pointing to the bridge, "now, turn over the bridge."

I didn't say anything. I followed him and began to climb the bridge. It wasn't difficult at first, but as I climbed up the bridge, I felt the wind was strong and I had to climb the guardrail with my whole arm so as not to be blown away. Finally turned over the guardrail, a car brush, close to me to drive over.

on the other side of the guardrail, he has begun to flip down. At this time, he seemed to notice my hesitation, and he released one of his arms and made a "come over" action.

I tugged at my clothes. Car after a car sped past me, and the temperature was getting colder and colder. He paused on the guardrail for a while I don't know how long, maybe no more than thirty seconds, because it would freeze any longer, and at last, he seemed to make a gesture of giving up and start climbing again.

after his figure disappeared, I turned around, followed the road up, and climbed slowly down the bridge. Then I went back to our rented house and slept for the night, and the next morning, when he didn't come back, I packed up my things and left there.

strangely, since then, I have started Shi Lai Yun Zhun (Lucky Dumplings). First of all, that classmate suddenly called me and paid me all the previous design fees, which was a little more than I expected. Then, I applied to a construction company and began to draw the drainage system for the building. This job, even if there are any difficulties at the beginning, I will soon be able to do, because this is what I majored in university.

I turned thirty and gained a reputation for promotion and reliability in my career. Another company came to poach me and offered me a generous salary to be a supervisor. But I don't want to accept their invitation. I want to open an architectural design studio with my boyfriend. My boyfriend is an architect, and our relationship is very stable. We have met our parents and are going to get married soon.

one day before marriage, my boyfriend asked me to eat at a new restaurant and looked at the studio he had chosen. I was driving and following the navigation instructions, but there was something wrong with it. When the car reached a viaduct, I suddenly felt a little uncomfortable and carefully parked the car to the side of the road, almost close to the guardrail.

I opened the car door and faced the wind. I don't know what season it is. I just saw cars driving past me, many of which are better than the ones I'm driving now. I feel a burst of sadness, but this sadness does not come from the inside of my body, but the wind. At this time, I remembered a look in my eyes that in the spring of one year, I had bet eagerly on me through the traffic, as if to say, "come with me!" As long as you come here, everything will be all right and you will find the right direction. " I went to the other side of the road and leaned out of the guardrail as much as I could, but I couldn't see or hear anything. The only thing that fell on my ears was the roar of the wind.