The marriage you're looking forward to is a huge lie.

The marriage you're looking forward to is a huge lie.

At the age of 28, I began to face more and more pressure from forced marriage, which made me start to think about what marriage is and why we want to get married.

at the age of 28, I began to face more and more pressure from forced marriage, which made me start to think about what marriage is and why we want to marry. To solve these two problems, I have seen a lot of things. I have become more and more aware that the meaning of marriage is very different from what we generally think. Let's take a look at how marriage comes into being. the institution of marriage is essentially the product of a patrilineal society, and there is no such thing as marriage in a matrilineal society. We all know that the history of our human society has transitioned from matrilineal society to patrilineal society, but it must be made clear that what we now call "walking marriage" in matrilineal society (Mosuo) is not a real marriage system in essence. It is just the choice of human reproduction instinct in the face of extremely low productivity and an adverse natural environment. At that time, when one more child is born, humans have more chances to live, and women become gods because of the advantage of fertility and have the right to have sex with any man who wants to have sexual intercourse, including incest. However, with the gradual improvement of productivity, human beings learned to hunt and farm, the private property appeared (the emergence of private ownership), the position of men and women in the clan changed greatly, men began to occupy a dominant position, and the matrilineal society began to transform into a patrilineal society. because the patrilineal society calculates the lineage and inheritance of property based on patrilineal (male). Therefore, there is an urgent need for a system to protect the reproductive rights of men, the purity of blood, and property, so the marriage system comes into being. Since then, a woman has become a property and a reproductive tool. She is not only a commodity for parents to sell but also a property for a man to buy. The "virgin plot", which has been criticized by people for a long time, comes into being precise because of men's demand for the purity of their bloodline.

so marriage is essentially an economic system and a tool for exploiting women in a patriarchal society, which is quite different from our long-standing concept of marriage for love. it can be said that the emergence of the marriage system and love are not related to each other, so why do we always have the idea that "if you love him, you will want to marry him?" I think it is the result of long-term social brainwashing. Public opinion has always associated the inborn need of love with the marriage that comes into being at a certain stage, which makes us feel that marriage is an inborn event like love, but it has not told us that not to marry is also a choice.

of course, we are now in China in the 21st century, and the status of women is getting higher and higher. I don't think there has been a fundamental change in the exploitation of women by the marriage system, but it has become more and more covert. The means are getting better and better. In ancient times, most of the forms of marriage were men on the outside and women on the inside (women do not have to go out to work). Men provided full financial support to the family, while women were responsible for having children and taking care of the family. in essence, it is the exchange of male economic ability and female reproductive function. In modern society, most women have their jobs, and they are financially independent, so it is no longer a problem to support themselves, so there are fewer and fewer women who are financially dependent on men. At the same time, there are only a small number of men who can fully support their families, while a more open social environment is conducive to women to demonstrate their abilities at work, while men are getting weaker and weaker by comparison. So economically, modern women do not need to be attached to men, and their need for marriage is getting smaller and smaller. But the patriarchal society we live in now will not allow more and more women to realize this, so he has created a lot of public opinions to confuse and intimidate women. In my mind, these public opinions are the three fierce "swords" that have been grabbing women by the throat and forcing women to commit crimes. The first sword is what we talked about before, shaping the public opinion of marriage for love, which completely involves love and marriage. The second sword exaggerates a woman's motherhood, emphasizing that if she does not have children, her life is incomplete. She emphasizes that women love children by nature, otherwise you are abnormal. The third sword is the sword of the law. The state does not recognize children born out of wedlock and does not give them a registered permanent residence. Under the strong pressure to force the marriage group, you have to choose marriage, because only by getting married can you have children, can your female identity be recognized by society, and you can be a "normal" person in a general sense.

in recent years, with the introduction of the third new interpretation of the Marriage Law, we begin to realize that the Marriage Law protects not the weak, but property, which coincides with what we said earlier, the marriage system is essentially an economic system. Since we want to talk about economics, let's calculate the financial account of marriage. In many parts of China, it is popular for men to provide houses, and women provide marriage customs of decoration, home appliances, or cars, which seems fair, but in fact, it is not fair at all. Once the marriage breaks up, the man gains an appreciation of the house. The woman can only take away the depreciated home appliances, which is economically harmful to women. Of course, it's not just that. Women are still the main body of housework, and the value of this housework is still not recognized by mainstream society, not including at least two years of prime time in the workplace that women sacrificed to have children. these losses are not taken into account, so on the whole, marriage is a bad financial account for women. I know some people will say that it would be nice for you not to divorce, but what I want to ask is whether these divorced couples got married because they hated each other in the first place.

when we have finished talking about the financial accounts faced by women in marriage, let's take a look at women of marriageable age but not married. What have they got? they have got a very popular term in recent years, leftover women. Leftover women, I think this word is very insulting and belittling women, why, because leftover women have two meanings, one is that you women are picked out by men and cannot be married. The two of you do not have the right to choose like leftovers in the vegetable market, you only have the right to be chosen, and we have been completely materialized into such an object with no thought, no value, and only married people as its main value. I think the emergence of the word "leftover woman" is the oppression of women in our country in recent years. A major cultural suppression of public opinion and lies, male society shows a great sense of fear in the face of more and more women who marry late (or do not marry), because this represents that more and more men are at the bottom of society cannot find wives. These men are bound to become a factor of social instability, which may endanger their rule, so they urgently need to find a more covert way of coercion that can be widely used in society. So the word "leftover woman" appeared. I think it is not the worst thing for a male society to force women to marry, and the worst thing is that some female compatriots are also brainwashed by this patriarchal society and begin to discriminate against older women and act as accomplices to the male society to force women.

when it comes to leftover women, we must talk about the word forced marriage. well, who are the powerful forced marriage groups I mentioned above? I think these people are mainly divided into three categories, one is parents, the other is relatives, and the other is those colleagues or friends who are married. Let's classify and discuss the reasons for their forced marriage and the way they are forced to marry. The first category is parents. The way parents force marriage is all kinds of brainwashing. The gentle way is "Oh, daughter, you are not young. You should find someone to marry, someone to take care of you, and a man to support you." there is also a way of taking children as away, "you see, you are so old that if you don't get married now, you won't be able to have children in a few years." and these words will be accompanied by words that degrade the value of women. It makes us feel that we are born with no other value than to get married and have children. The most vicious thing is that "even if you are married, it is better to divorce immediately than not to get married." I have never heard my parents say the last word to me, but I have heard friends around me say this. I do not understand what kind of parents can say such words. How selfish such parents are, they would rather trade some false reputation for their daughter's happiness under pressure among their relatives. Some parents feel that marriage is not so good in their hearts, but it is so that they can have a grandchild in the future, not to be gossiped, or force their daughter to marry. Of course, the main reason for parents to force marriage is the result of long-term brainwashing in mainstream society, which is deeply influenced by the idea that "the eldest daughter should marry." Here I have to expose a lie often used by my parents when they are forced to get married, that is, when you are married, someone will take care of you. My father likes to use this sentence very much, so is it men who take care of women in a real marriage?! We don't talk about it when we are young. Most men and women take care of each other. The real responsibility for taking care of each other is that after middle age, most men begin to develop some problems left by young and middle-aged people who do not pay attention to their health (you know, smoking, drinking, staying up late, and eating irregularly), which may not be fatal, but it is excruciating. Well, who are the people who stay around to take care of at this time? they can only be the wives of these men. When they get old, they are all wives who take a picture of your phlegm, push your wheelchair, and bask in the sun. And don't forget two points. One is that studies have shown that women live an average of six or seven years longer than men, and the second is that most marriages are male and female marriages, so taking care of them is absolutely a lie in this sense. All right, let's go on to see how the second kind of relatives forces us to marry. Of course, the mildest forced marriage is Oh, xxx, how old are you? it's time to get married. Wow, baseball, the more stringent point is, ah, xxx, you are so old, why don't you get married? is there something wrong with your health or psychology? of course, you have to keep smiling and face the inquiries of these seven aunts and aunts. Because they are in this way to "care" about you, you can not but accept, you do not accept is ungrateful. Why do they want to force marriage? I think it's just two words, free. Most of them don't care about whether you want to get married or not, they only care about whether you behave normally, and then become a kind of gossip or conversation. Of course, the most covert forced marriage is the third category of married female compatriots. Whether they are friends or colleagues, they usually force them in the way of a show. They usually start with this. Alas, my husband gave me another big surprise last night. It was a great blessing for me to find someone like my husband. Ah, Xiao x, why don't you find a partner? why don't you get married? it's even more obvious that you have children. Oh, Xiao x, look at whether my baby is cute or not. when you say something cute, whether you mean it or pretend to say it, they will say, when are you going to get married, then you can have such a lovely baby? of course, it's easier to get rid of this kind of baby, just smile and don't answer. Then why do these married women compatriots force it? I think there are two main reasons. One is to completely show off their happiness. When they see you present, they just ask politely. Two, they feel that they have jumped into the fire pit and want to pull you together.

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having said so much, I think I have to talk about a problem that some women will be anxious about, that is, "what if I'm getting older and older and I can't get married?" So will women not be able to get married? I would say that this kind of anxiety is very unnecessary. Why? let's imagine the worst situation. Now the worst marriage conditions are old, poor, ugly bachelors in their forties and fifties who have been unable to get a wife. So do you think such an old bachelor will dislike a woman in her thirties? that's impossible. Therefore, in my opinion, the matter of getting married can only be divided into two options: good marriage and a bad marriage, and there is no such thing as to whether one can get married or not. The forced marriage logic of many parents is that you still have a choice when you are young, but you don't have a choice when you are old, so is it true that young women marry better than older women? of course not, otherwise there would not be such a high divorce rate. A considerable number of them are contributed by our group of people in the late 80s and early 90s, so there is no absolute advantage in marrying early compared to those who marry later.

and more importantly, the mainstream values of the society we live in now are to see money talks, people with a lot of money are the masters of this society, and they have the best resources in all aspects. So your ability, the money you have, and the resources you have are the criteria for this money society to evaluate how much you are worth, not how old you are, whether you are ugly or beautiful, whether you are fat or thin, whether you are married, whether you have children or not. It doesn't matter whether your child is a single or double eyelid. What we need to do is to work hard, work hard to earn money, talk about love, and then try to raise a pretty boy when we are old (ps this is one of my dreams).

I say so much not to persuade all girls not to get married, but to let more people understand what marriage is. I also want to show you another possibility, that is, you don't have to get married. Of course, I also know very well that under the big historical and cultural background of China, most women will still choose to get married, but I still hope you can understand the original appearance of marriage first so that even if you enter into marriage, you can grasp what you want, protect yourself when things happen, and minimize your losses.