Everyone's life is a bunch of stories.
when I was young, at least 28 years old, I could never have imagined that now my happiness comes from resigning to fate.
when Mr. Su attends the event, he is introduced as a show of love all year round, and in addition, he is called a wife-tanning madman in the circle of friends. When I go out with him, there are always people who are curious about me. As a result, I didn't show my love on the spot at all but began to complain about Mr. Su in fancy style. One thing that makes me think is that many people who watch us show our love feel that there is no common contradiction between Mr. Su and me. What's more, they seem to feel that since there is such a contradiction, they are not so happy.
when I talked to Mr. Su, he said it was the difference between getting married and not getting married. When you fall in love, you may not have a lifetime with each other. Anyone who has to give way to you will recognize your virtue.
the running-in with each other after the marriage has made me understand my father again. It is believed that many children suffer from quarrels between their parents in their childhood. Mother always complains about her father. It's the same with our family. When my father looked for something and turned it all over again, my mother began to quarrel with him. My father did something and broke something. If he didn't get it right, my mother quarreled with him.
I am particularly sensitive to parents' quarrels and have a feeling that life is worse than death. In particular, my mother is so powerful, her voice is sharp, her expression ability is strong, and her language system is well developed. my father is unyielding and frowning. At that time, I was so angry with my father that I said to myself, "can't you make my mother angry?" You can't do the right thing for her. don't make her mad. In particular, my father later realized that 36 was the best plan, and my mother vented that she was not enough, so she smashed pots and pans at home, or scolded my father at me. Then give me an analysis of all the rules and make me agree: is it your father's fault?
now I understand that men seem to be like this as if they were born with fewer strings in their heads. Mr. Su has a small wardrobe of his own, which holds his few clothes. Often I have insomnia in the morning but fall asleep, he gets up in the morning to open my door, saying: wife, my socks | underwear | jeans? I can't find it.
I was so angry that I jumped out of bed, went straight to the wardrobe, opened the door, pulled it off, and threw it at him.
he just has an ability that he can't see before his eyes.
sometimes I get cold and sleepy at night, so I ask him to fill me with a hot water bag. As a result, the next morning, I found that the table was full of water, and my iPad was also soaked in water. At this time, you hate yourself to death. Why should you let him work, make a mess or clean up by yourself? I don't need to say much about the skill of buying bad food 100%.
now before Rest every night, I have to find out the clothes he needs to wear the next day and put them on the sofa. I seldom let him do any housework. I'm not angry anymore. Because that's what men do. Even my dad. Why should I swear every day like my mother?
after half a year of rest and recuperation, my head seems to be much better. This recovery process seems to have given me a new understanding of life. For example, when we are adolescents, we all think about some questions: why do people live. This question seems difficult to answer, but there is a phased answer. There is only one thing I do during my rest and recuperation, and that is to get along with it day by day. Eat well, wear warm clothes, sleep well and be happy. When you are alone, read, watch movies, and relax. Two people together are to create happy memories. These memory balls, memory balls about "being alive is a good thing," are stored and superimposed in the brain so that they work in some difficult times in life, in some disturbing moments in life. it makes you feel like what's in front of you is just that, it's not that bad.
there is a particular difference in living habits between Mr. Su and me. He likes the light, is afraid of the dark, and always turns on the bright lights. I am afraid of light and like the dark. When the lights are dazzling, you will be irritated. He likes to be lively, turning on the TV, turning on the movies on his iPad, and brushing his cell phone. When I listen to music, I listen to music, and the sound is very low. I am particularly sensitive to noise. I feel very uncomfortable when he watches variety shows or some sad family dramas. Even, he likes to sleep in a hard bed and a soft bed with a backache. I like to sleep in a soft bed and a hard bed. He is used to eating pasta and I am used to eating rice. He is salty and my mouth is weak. The two of us went out to dinner, ordered four dishes, each ordered two, and sometimes he didn't even touch what I ordered. I was just saying what he ordered.
so we sleep in separate rooms. Each has a small space to make himself comfortable.
this is not about whether or not you are willing to change things for each other, but it is difficult to change and cannot be changed. Some things can be changed, for example, Mr. Su was still sitting on the sofa with his coat on when he got home, but now he is used to changing clothes before lying down when he gets home. For example, he used to eat quickly and always left the table after eating. Now I also know that I have to sit there and wait for me to eat before we go back to the living room, and I also know that even if I don't wash the dishes, I have to put my dishes in the sink.
maybe being able to change for each other, to accommodate each other's habits, is a kind of love. And our love is that we do not need each other to accommodate, do not need each other to pay to change.
my mother has been in poor health for years, which used to be a mine on my nerves. Now I will also joke in my heart: my mother is still quite stable physically, but the princess is seriously ill. What often bothers me in the past is that my mother seems to love me very much and seems to dislike me and bother me in many things in life. Now I will also explain to myself: that is because there is no room for two princesses in a family.
my mother is indeed a very delicate physique, a very sensitive nerve, a very fragile heart, a very short insight, and a vast vanity.
she has a lot of dissatisfaction with my father, which is also great trouble for me, of course. Made me think I was a victim of my dad. When I was a teenager, I began to know how to be smug. My mother knitted herself a fancy sweater and taught me to be hard-working and plain living. Once my father and I went to pick mushrooms in the rain, and we had a good harvest and a good atmosphere. I just poured out my dissatisfaction with my mom to my dad. As a result, my father taught me severely. At that time, my young heart suffered a heavy blow and began lonely and long adolescence.
my father went to help my eldest cousin the other day, but he was not at home. I called him and he said my mother called him every day. I was upset: why, what did she do? My dad said: what, chat, chat for a while.
what else can I say? My mom is very good, and then my dad is happy. What else can I say? But what they don't know is that every day when they communicate with fierce quarrels and their hearts are full of love, they bring me a life of unbearable noise and irritability and fear at the sight of others quarreling. She didn't know that when I was angry with Mr. Su because I was upset, my heart was filled with fear and anger "like my mother".
my father wants me to go back to my hometown from Beijing for a long time and cook for me every day. My mother has long hoped to move to Beijing to live with us and live a life that is the envy of our neighbors and best friends. I miss them, too. I always want to go home. But like many children's relationships with their parents, I love them very much, but I can't stand them at all. The atmosphere will be good for three days before I go home, and on the fourth day or so, they start quarreling over trifles. My mother may feel that she is unnoticed and starts to find fault. Then I will be upset and want to go back to Beijing.
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so let's go home and stay for about three days now. The relationship between children and their parents is no stronger than other unrelated relationships, and guests stink after three days at home. It's all right. don't test, don't be demanding, don't expect too much.
it was only after I got married that I found a smooth way to get along with my parents. I used to be serious. Now for my mother, just talk to her less, she is not lonely at all. The neighbors are having a good time. It's enough to buy things for her and buy things in fancy style for her. Her complaint, pretending not to hear, anyway, she is asking for attention is not a big deal.
my mother grew up in a big family with many children. I have five uncles, all of whom are older than my mother and an aunt. My grandfather is fond of gambling and pushing cards. When he was young, he often beat and scolded my grandmother. When my second uncle worked in economy and trade, when he was still using cloth tickets, he brought distant beautiful clothes and cowhide shoes to my mother and aunt. when my mother was young, she should be an online celebrity in the village. My mother married my grandparents, who smoked a lot of money and began to live in poverty. Maybe she has been thinking about resuming the glory of her youth all her life.
my father is the youngest child in the family. My grandmother is said to be a lady of the landlord's family and never gossips between her daughter-in-law. With a big heart, he lived a disease-free and disaster-free life until he died quietly at the age of 84. She has five sons and three daughters, and she doesn't even remember my father's exact birthday. I have never met my grandfather. It is said that his famous saying is "guests come to host happiness".
my father is warm-hearted and doesn't care much about gains and losses, but he is stupid in my mother's eyes.
my father got drunk this morning, did not strive for progress and was very tolerant to himself, so he was also very tolerant to others. I know that his temper has always wanted to help my aunt's family, because I study law, and I will leave the messy property disputes of relatives' families to me. But I can't stand their rude communication style all the time, and I seldom communicate with them directly. I didn't want to have money with my relatives, but my father never complained about me or expressed his expectations. I can see it in my eyes.
he suffered from hunger when he was a child. Unlike my mother, she is always full of unfounded fantasies and expectations about life. Even he didn't expect anything from me at first, and he seemed a little overjoyed at the filial piety of Mr. Su and me.
all this makes me know that the so-called native family dilemma we often see, the so-called psychological shadow caused by parents, is not the choice of any father or mother. It is the deposition of injuries in many stories over a long period. Everything that has happened can't be changed. It's called fate.
what I know is that a college girl grew up at her grandmother's house. She is very sensitive to the environment, always the first time to maintain a good relationship with the boss's celebrities, trying every means to get people who do not like her to accept her. But what she doesn't know is that I just don't like that she doesn't want to talk to her, not because of her, but because she speaks loudly and always wants to be the center of attention and the protagonist of the topic, too much like my mother.
A few people I know who like to help cats, dogs, and small animals are not doing very well, or their financial resources are strong and love is rampant. They are often single-parent families who have suffered the psychological process of abandonment or similar abandonment when they were young. They can't stand it when they see those poor little things as if they saw who they used to be.
A girl I know is over thirty and single. I will talk to my friends about all kinds of entanglements between myself and my mother. In her words, I can imagine her mother, a woman like my mother-in-law, in a harsh living environment, hardworking and the patient can suffer under a woman's innate will to live, but also grumpy and rough. There is no time to express love, and self-protection generally forms a kind of survival wisdom to fool the past in the face of contradictions.
Women are always stronger than men in the face of survival, and the harm of survival to them, and therefore their destructive power, is also stronger than men. In a family, the wisdom and vision of a female elder are particularly important.
just for those who are familiar with western psychology. Having experienced the formation of her own inner shadow, she could not understand that her mother had not been educated in her Western ideas.
her resentment and inextricability, as well as her anger at trying to have a showdown with her mother but being evaded all the time, also stem from this.
some people say that China has changed too fast in the past 30 years. We are the beneficiaries of the rapid change, and so are the victims.
nowadays, people like to hear and hear about women's psychology, feelings, and so on. For example, people mention a sense of security, mention a lack of love, and talk about self-love rather than self-love. Maybe it's because of advanced technology? We feel that "changing ourselves" is also within the scope of our ability. So we talked about change lightly, poured chicken blood into it, and were full of ambition. But the people around me, to some extent, their efforts are still to make up for their predicament, make a bowl of chicken soup for themselves when they feel sad, and think about their achievements. Then proudly say that this is the winner's life.?. They are full of self-confidence, feeling that they are in control of life, and are full of anticipation and anxiety about the path they have chosen. Injuries will show scars one day, all of them.
I asked Mr. Su what is the biggest dilemma one can encounter in life when he is young. He said: when I was young, I fell in love with a girl.
I said: what a beautiful thing this is, how is it a dilemma?
he said: the dilemma is not whether it is beautiful or not, but that it cannot be changed at all. There's nothing you can do.
everyone's life is a bunch of stories. We are more like a plant, every injury leaves a scar, you may not have the obligation to understand in-depth, but do not yell easily.