I summed up three reasons for the weakening of our relationship.
that afternoon last Thursday, Lulu suddenly sent me Wechat saying, "Thorn, there is a problem that has been bothering me for a long time. Why do those friends who feel like-minded when they first meet degenerate into Wechat friends who no longer contact too much in a short time? Why do we get to know each other less and less? "
Our red satin prom dress are designed to wow even the random onlooker. Your will be elated by your enchanting look.
"because when you admit that you are 'like-minded', you are also admitting that the Tao is different from each other. Do you know what I mean? " I asked rhetorically.
she didn't reply to me, but I know she doesn't understand what I'm talking about, it's just that she doesn't want to accept it. But a lot of things, it is not that you do not accept, it will change. It's just that if you're all psychologically prepared to say "goodbye", you won't be so sad.
sometimes the reason why we are less and less familiar is simple: we have been hurting each other.
when I went to dinner with them last week, the eel whale asked me, "what would you do if a friend habitually dropped your plane? \ & quot;
I smiled and said, "I don't have that kind of friend, so I can't do anything about it."
"because my friends only have one chance to release my plane, of course, this does not include those who have an emergency. I mean the kind of 'there is no reason, I just don't want to do it all of a sudden, which is extremely bad." I answered her.
the eel whale asks, "but they are just releasing your plane. What can you do? can you break up your friendship right away?"
I said, "you don't have to break up immediately, you need to reason with the other person, you can just say, 'you let me fly. If we do this again, we will continue to be friends, but don't ask out to do anything again." If the other person is, as usual, it means he doesn't care about you, so why should he be friends with him? "
the eel whale looks helpless, because she said that her friend already thought that releasing her plane was not a very important thing, and even became a thing that could happen at any time. Her friends could invite her for breakfast at 4 p.m., and wait until her 08:00 alarm clock rang to find that the other person left a message at 6 a.m., "I'm not going out. I'm so sleepy."
that is to say, the eel whale is used to "being released from the plane" and the other party is used to "releasing her plane".
you see, this is a very bad way to get along with friends. Even though the eel whale is now very familiar with that friend, if they go on like this, the relationship between them will surely become estranged. The other party is not necessarily a bad-hearted person, just a human being. If he has the initiative, he will be presumptuous and unreasonable.
have you considered a question: how do we prove that we are important in a relationship?
the easiest way is to hurt the other person. If you can hurt the other person, it means you are important. This kind of injury is not intentional, but it seems to be unintentional it is also the result that the dominant party does not consider for the other party.
conversely, how do you prove that the other person is important in a relationship? It is also the same, that is to be hurt by the other party, the more the other party's injury times, the deeper the degree, the more important your "never give up" will be.
but such an unreasonable relationship that will only hurt each other will only make both parties more and more uncomfortable.
for the weak side, the desire for protection gained with their affliction will slowly degenerate into aversion. And the person who hurt others has been kept in the dark, and they may not realize that they have done such an uncomfortable thing. So they sometimes blame each other in reverse: "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Then they began to blame themselves: "Why can't they feel it?"
the former is a sense of disgust, and the latter is a sense of guilt. So if we use "uncomfortable" as a measure of whether a relationship is good or bad, then even if the beginning of the relationship is 100 points, it may not be easy to get together and break up.
another reason that makes us less and less ripe is that when I want apples, you give me a cart of pears.
A friend of mine came to complain to me about his team's Leader. Call him L. When you had your period, he immediately refused to boil brown sugar water for you. And carefully put it in a thermos and deliver it to the door of your dormitory.
is sweet, but the wrong person is chosen. She has a boyfriend, and her boyfriend is in the same class as her. So even though she didn't refuse L's offer with the excuse of "I don't drink brown sugar water" in the end, they still quarreled over it that night.
and every time the team goes out for dinner, several responsible persons must pay all the money. As we all know, it is not easy for ministers, so they have proposed that the meal must be AA. But L thinks that as the Leader of the team, how can the dinner party be paid for by the people below?
although everyone here thinks L is very loyal and has joined a good team, team dinners are getting less and less. Afterward, my friend mentioned this matter to her minister, and the minister said helplessly, "Hey, it's okay to invite everyone to dinner one and a half times, but several times my living expenses are gone. Every time, who dares to say that I want to go out for dinner?"
she once approached L privately to talk to him about the problem. On the contrary, L feels that this is the minister's problem, because every time L pays half in advance, and the rest is put together by the ministers. L said: "This money is not willing to give up, when what Leader."
until finally, our team disbanded. L drank a lot that night and said a lot on his WeChat group, saying that he took care of the big family so much, but everyone still didn't know how to return or understand his kindness.
but to be honest, people like L seem enthusiastic, but they are too strong.
his intentions are all good, but that doesn't mean the results are all good. He doesn't think about things from other people's points of view at all, he just does what he thinks is right, and then forces everyone to accept his "kindness". He did not consider the consequences of sending brown sugar water, and he forgot that the minister was the one who relied on a scholarship to continue his studies.
is like sending a pu fan in winter and a cotton-padded jacket in summer.
I like apples. You sent me a truckload of pears.
No wonder the team falls apart.
Why do you have to force the other person to "get acquainted" with you?
I have tried to catch up by force and ask my former good friends to go out to dinner. During the dinner, he asked me what I was doing, and I said to write. So he began to comment on the current self-media writing with his little knowledge, and he was unable to express profound insights except for the most superficial adjectives such as "pure", "idealism" and "Wenqing". Although I listened to it very boring, I had to listen with a smile. When I asked him about his work, our roles swapped and I kept saying something innocuous.
when we walked out of the restaurant, we said goodbye to each other and said, "I'll see you next time." But both of us are well aware that we can't date again, not because the relationship has faded, but because there are some things that it would be better for you to leave in the past.
there is a saying: "instead of low-quality social interaction, it is better to have high-quality solitude."
because you can't ask someone to keep the same frequency as you, that's too selfish. Try to cut our lives into many segments, and if you can find someone with the same frequency as you at that time in each of them, this is the best solution.
then say goodbye and move on to the next stage of your life.
only those who are extremely disappointed in who they are now will dwell on what they have done in the past.
but the saddest thing is that you will gradually find it difficult to find someone with the same frequency in any paragraph. So you begin to learn to endure disappointment, and in the end, you learn to be alone.
late at night, the hospital registers alone move alone after graduation and eats alone after work. Then anyone can be your good friend because anyone can be your passer-by. You don't want it anymore. Help, because you already know that it's important to be an independent person.
now you know why we are getting to know each other less and less?
because the essence of friends is not to keep in touch all the time but to be frank.
confess to someone who doesn't care himself: "I'm sorry you let me go."
confess to the too good Leader: "you don't have to be so nice to us."
confess to yourself: "it's impossible to have someone to be with you all the time."
so it's good to be unfamiliar, just like the relationship between the reader and me. Although we don't chat all the time, we collide with everyone's ideas at a fixed time and think about our lives. I suddenly remembered what he had said before, and I thought he was right: I say what they want to say for my readers, go to mine for them in uncharted territory, and I will accompany them for a long time, which is the value of my usefulness.